Evolution
by Theron Dash

It's in the news again---a high school south of Harrisburg, PA must teach "intelligent design" along with Darwinian evolution. Evolution texts in Georgia now carry a warning label. Polls are quoted showing that 45% (or is it 55%) of Americans believe God created man in his present form, no evolution needed, thank you very much, the Bible told me so.

As you know, Charles Darwin, a card-carrying secular humanist who speaks with an affected English accent, invented his "theory" of evolution in 1957, which was just before the 60s, and we all know what happened then.

It's a known fact that J. Edgar Hoover had exposed him as an atheistic Communist, but the Kennedys hid him in their compound until Hoover died. It was during the Clinton administration that his theory was forced into textbooks across America, as part of the scheme hatched at a meeting of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, held in Iran by Yassar Arafat.

Darwin, who lives in Hollywood now but is so afraid of the truth that he has refused to be a guest on Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly, says that humans descended from apes billions of years ago, and that the Divine Word of God is just a myth. Or maybe that last part was Joseph Campbell, in a meeting with Darwin on the Bill Moyers show.

When God created the world six thousand years ago, he showed forth his goodness and his devilish sense of humor, strike that, his godly sense of humor, by burying old bones and rocks that appeared to the ungodly to be millions and billions of years old, as if anybody could count that high. Same thing with this DNA, which is a liberal plot to spring killers from prison so they can start a race war.

Well, we've decided that even after they are born our children are worth some sort of attention, so we're going to see that they learn the facts as the Bible teaches and not the theories of some twisted foreigner, who secretly laughs at us and thinks we're ignorant because we don't speak with phony English accents.

Now everybody knows that once we are teaching God's word in biology class, no kid is going to pay much attention to those theories---what high school kid is going to pay attention to stuff he doesn't have to?

So our kids may never get the chance to be doctors or archeologists, anthropologists or geologists, biologists of any kind, or astronomers, historians or any of that stuff, which just suits us fine thank you very much, who needs kids who think they're better than you, looking down their noses at their own parents and church, who do they think they are? Besides, the Wal-Mart is always hiring.