The State of Bushamerica, Inc.

Live from Washington---

Instead of a State of the Union, this year I thought I'd just read you highlights from our Annual Report. It's a nice document, with great illustrations and glossy paper, and I recommend it to all right thinking Americans.

Here's the cover. Pretty nice, huh? For our Spanish-speaking friends it says, BUSHAMERICA INC. And here's the list of our officers: Chairman of the Board of Directors and President-G.W. Bush, that's me. Vice-President and CEO-Dick Cheney. Vice-President of Operations--- Don Rumsfeld. Director of Marketing-Karl Rove. And so on.

So let me read you some of the highlights.

The state of Bushamerica Inc. is pretty darn good.

We're returning stockholder investment and building a future for ourselves. Our brand identity has never been stronger.

9-11

Our 9-11 Line continues to out-perform expectations. As everyone in our business knows, the secret of ultimate performance is in thinking big, which means being willing to take and manage big risks.

The key to selling products is keep it simple, and link it to strong emotions. Most products have to make do with simple anxiety, which is okay if you're selling mouthwash, but not war. For that you need the big smell of fear.

Of course we didn't know when and where a terrorist attack would come. Though we encouraged the illusion that we didn't expect it, we were ready to seize the opportunity. That it was larger and hit closer to home than we anticipated only made our response stronger. And actually made our job easier.

There are many ways to position a terrorist attack, and we chose imagery consistent with our goals and philosophy. We made it a very simple case of good against evil, and we made sure to stress that the triumph of good was no certainty. By painting the enemy as mysterious, inscrutable and very powerful, we ensured that our "us or them" polarity would enable us to exert control.

This formula of course matched the worldview imagery of our core customer, comfortable with the good v evil scenario. It's clear, it's definite, and those are two wonderful attributes for a product that sells itself. Benefit to the customer? That's easy.

Our product we called Freedom, but in essence it meant the continuing of the mindless work-and-spend lifestyle everyone loves. For our core constituency, it's work, worship and spend, and we made sure to integrate their lifestyles into our program.

To the fear we linked to terrorism, we added economic anxieties to increase dependence on our leadership. It's a delicate balance to maintain anxiety without widespread feelings of deprivation, so our outsourcing to China kept low-cost consumer products flowing in. Our Wal-Mart subsidiary in particular helped us keep their eyes off the ball out there in consumerland.

We have to acknowledge that we couldn't have had this year of success without the softening up work of the 1980s into the 90s, when it became clear to everybody that to be poor or sick and need help from the government is not only shameful, it is immoral. So Bushamerica could thrive, while millions of our non-partners worked 2 and 3 jobs for slave wages and never complained, except about liberals and foreigners and know-it-all traitors who don't support Bushamerica.

The underlying product support we utilized is the time-tested need for the king, especially in time of "invasion." There is nothing like fear to ensure loyalty, and nothing like the feeling of being in mortal danger to inspire both fear and "loyalty to the royalty."

Patriotism can be a powerful ally when you are in power, and we're happy to report that it still works great, even after the previous eight years when we didn't use it, for obvious reasons.

We want to particularly thank our media partners for their help in creating optimum conditions.


Iraq Inc.

Our returns on Iraq this year were strong. Through the smokescreen of "bad news" we saw the sunlight of a robust arms technology industry, and record profits for many of our contractors. We used the full federal borrowing and spending power for our short-term stimulus, as well as our long-term investment in that oil-rich region.

Stimulus from Iraq Inc. and even more from Homeland Security (our "stealth" profit center!) kept the national economy vibrant enough to offset tax revenue losses, which of course accrued as gains to our stockholders.

Contract Renewal

Of course the big news, and the big triumph of the year was our contract renewal for another four years. Our marketing team outdid themselves again this time, but we really must thank that peerless combination of our stockholders and contractors, plus our core constituency of consumers, for putting us over the top. Diebold, Sinclair,Fox---hey, you know who you are.

Forecast

Our strategic goals continue to be: 1. maximize immediate value for stockholders. 2. commit longterm federal investment to benefit stockholders, subsidiaries and contractors regardless of who runs the federal government in the future. New foreign markets are expensive to develop but we've invested a lot of taxpayer money in them, so Bushamerica will be in position to reap whatever profit opportunities may result. And if none do, well, it wasn't our money.

We're all justly proud that in the 90s, even without the White House, we were able to turn a citizenry angrily demanding affordable health care into wary consumers who preferred insurance instruments designed by our corporate partners. We're hopeful that we can work our magic again on an even tougher product: Social Security. But we will need all our partners help on this one. It has immense longterm potential for financing options, but even if we don't get there this time, the controversy should be sufficiently distracting that we can close any number of other deals without opposition.

Summary and Corporate Overview

Bushamerica has never been a stronger, more integrated corporation with a clear identity and clear mission for the future. In four short years we have transformed the country we took over, and by the end of four more years we hope that transformation will be complete, so that in brand terms, the difference between America and Bushamerica will be zero.

Of course by then, Bushamerica will be considerably more profitable, but that's for our stockholders to know, and our customers never to find out.

Gosh, maybe I wasn't supposed to read that part.

Good night and may God bless Bushamerica.